Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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