Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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