You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
