I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
