he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
