Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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