dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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