when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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