Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
