we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
