I've blown a few things in my day
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
