people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
