If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
