I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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