It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
