His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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