I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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