My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
