it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
