Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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