dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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