he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
