On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
