im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
