We're facebook friends in real life
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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