So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
