So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
