ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
