He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
