My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
