Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
