Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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