i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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