But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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