dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
