You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
