so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
