I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
