he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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