She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
