I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
