The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
