You just made me feel so damn special
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
