She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
