just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
