wanna go halves on a baby?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
