I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
