dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
