I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
