WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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