it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
