yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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