Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
