A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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