They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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