I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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