I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
