So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
