It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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